Sunday, September 29, 2013

pastel experiment.


 ***
Let me confess: the hardest part is to draw the nose! x(

 

 ^^ this is (above!) the original one >> apalah judulnya terserah. hahaha.
pastel, cuma pake putih, ochre, krem, coklat, item, abu2! (yaa pastel gw jg cm 12 warna gitu loh).
canson A4.


Sunday, September 22, 2013

parlez anglais spontané!

Hello, myself! It's almost already 1 year since I've been here. :) I will be living here for 1 year at 29 October.. And the day when I went to the lab for the first time is 7th November. So it's almost 1 year..

Still sometimes I feel I'm not supposed to be here. I understand things slowly and all my lack of basic things.. Sometimes things get very complicated and I start thinking that I'm doing nonsense.. Yes, it happens once, or twice (or several times I don't remember. :D) when I cried because I can't understand something.. Well I cried because I had already spent all my energy to understand these things, it already takes about 1 week and I still hadn't see the light. :D So I just cried and teared bunches of paper in my table. Hahah. It was when I was studying about spin representation. :P Yes, it's basic. :D

But I've already learn A LOT. Yes.. I may haven't made any publication or papers, and this make me feel down a bit, but this day in the bus when I went back home from the lab, I make a list of things which I have already studied for this 1 year, and -hopefully! I understand it correctly by heart. :P

  • QM! the meaning of 'measurement', mixed n pure state, eigenspaces, degeneracy, commutation relation. I've already learnt it a loooong time ago, but I think it's on this year when I get the sense and accept it by heart. hahahah
  • Group, representations, homomorphism, Lie group, Lie algebra. SO(3) n SU(2) (I cried when I try to understand this! Hih!), and a little about SO(3,1) n SL(2,C).
  • Fibre bundles! Gauge theory (but still there are much things I'm confused about), connections, coordinates n non-coordinates base, frame, Yang-Mills!, ext-codev (hahaa it's sounds cool. It's an abbreviation of exterior covariant derivative), curvature, holonomies.. It's beautiful. :)
  • A bit of QFT.. Path integral, transition amplitude, KG, Dirac, propagator (a bit!, only for graviton I've studied a lot!)
  • Discretization of manifold > triangulation, simplicial complex, hinges, deficit angle, Regge curvature..
  • 3D LQG! I get sick (literally! I caught a cold and headache!) when I studied this, but now I think I have seen a little shed of light! (Well, now I can see where is the beauty in the theory, so maybe I understand it a little.. Hope so. haha). Thanks to LQG now I understand the angular momentum properly (the topic I always hate and left when I was in undergrad shool.. Now I can calculate the CG coefficient! I'm happy! :) I also know how to calculate the Racah coefficient, and it's generalization, the recoupling coefficient.. And also how to derive it! Owh, and also their connections with intertwiner and 3,6,9,.. j-symbols! Alhamdulillaah.. :)
  • 4D LQG (a bit, and still on the way to understand the detail!)
  • Owh! I understand now the informational definition of entropy (Yes! Shannon entropy), the derivation why S= p ln p.. :D (using a horse on chess board as an example! :)) the micro, canonic, and grandcanonic ensemble which I had neglected in univ.. A very little story about blackhole thermodynamics (I must study it harder!), coarse graining..
  • How to derive gravitational wave exactly! Why it only has 2 modes.. De Donder gauge and its relation with graviton.. Fierz-Pauli action and graviton with mass.. :D >> this! No one told me to study and calculate this. It just because I want to make a progress in my research topic, but it turn out to be ridiculous when I show my calculation to my advisor. Hehe :D
  • ..and the one that makes me happiest is (hha is this right the grammar? :D )..  I start to 'see' (no, I haven't understand it yet) the absence of time.. If I understand it correctly.. the physical universe is a 3-dimensional things which evolve.. means, it's moving in the direction of the other variable called 't'.. That's why we always consider the boundary.. Not the bulk.. And I start seeing how the graph construct geometries.. :) It's beautiful cute (I don't like the word 'beautiful') :"> Well, this paid all my tears. Hahah :D
  • And also a sentence from my advisor 'everything is a generally-covariant field'. Uwoo. Cool! But still I haven't understand in detail how particle is created from the field.. Still haven't get the feeling.
From the school and conference I attended this summer, I know a little story about the other theories, causal dynamical triangulation, causal set, Penrose cosmology (I forgot the CCC abbreviation..)

Few days ago, there is a visitor came to the lab (well it's actually the advisor of one of my labmates), and he gave a talk about symplectic and pre-symplectic geometry and it's relation with lagrangian etc. I understand a little. And it's also beautiful! :"> Aaaaaaang there are sooo much beautiful things in this world universe! Must study this!  :)

..And don't forget, studying (and 'researching') must be FUN. :)

Hahah asa freak n teu peunting kieu nya curhatan aing. Nyah itung2 latian bahasa inggris biar rada gut englais ntar pas presentasi. Hahaha sakit jiwa emg gw.

Nih hadiah lagu bwt diri gw sendiri, krn udah belajar banyak setaun ini. Ini lagu yg dulu gw hinadina ma si tya, tp skrng jadi demen gw (kuwalaaath!) Rada mirip sama 'with you,  without you'-nya U2. :D

.. Okay I can't put the video from youtube.. only the link: muse-starlite This fr*nch country is sooooo strict, very different with indo. :D

One more thing.. Yes, I realized I'm not a fast learner, I understand things slowly.. But I promise, when I understand something, it will be by heart! :)

Bon courage, me!

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

huff! (-_-;)

Mw curhaaaath! Ahir2 ni gw liat web-nya *hadeuuh gw ga bisa bilang nama web-nya*. Pokonya web-nya ttg kumpulan org2 yg ngakunya ateis di negara yg katanya basis pertamanya itu ketuhanan yg maha esa.

Gw ga tau kenapa gw bisa baca web itu, dr twitter klo ga salah.. OK, hak utk percaya sama apaa ajaa itu hak yg paling fundamental bwt manusia kan. Jadi gw ga mw bahas ttg kepercayaan apapun. Yg gw ga setujuin sama web itu, mereka bawa2 science. Mereka bilang science itu membuktikan klo kita ga perlu hal2 yg mereka definisiin sebagai 'agama'. Hadeuuh gereget gw pngn ngepost link-nya disini biar ga dibilang ni cm hoax. X(
Mereka bilang n ngajak2 orang2 utk berpikir skeptis, seakan2 ky nuduh orang2 yg 'beragama' itu pikirannya ga terbuka, n *sesuai kata karl marx klo ga salah, 'agama itu candu masyarakat'. Kesel gw bacanya. Mana di web-nya kayanya yg jadi bulan2an itu hampir 1 agama tertentu aja. Huff. Yg gw keselin, mereka bilang, science mendukung atheisme. 

Apa sih definisi ateis itu? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atheism 100% menolak adanya Pencipta.
Science ngomong apa sih soal penciptaan? Ga ada. Science ga ngomong apa2 soal itu. Setau gw batas science bisa ngejelasin alam semesta itu cuma mulai dr waktu planck, ampe ntah kapan gw ga tau. Sebelum waktu planck? Itu udah bukan bagian science lagi. Skrng terserah kita mw anggep apakah ada sesuatu ataw ngga sebelum waktu planck itu. Klo org ateis mungkin anggep ga ada apa2, >> 'klo kita ga bisa ngamatin skala yg lbh kecil dr Planck scale, lebih baik kita anggep aja skala yg lebih kecil itu ga ada'. Iya boleh bgt. Sesuai sama Occam's razor. Tapi sekali lg, science itu netral. Dy cuma nganterin kita ampe Planck scale, abistu terserah kita mw kemana. Lagian, beneran gitu science yg kita percayain skrng itu 'bener', a.k.a. kebenaran mutlak? Hahaha dulu fisika newton dianggep bener, sekarang digantiin sama GR, n mgkn terus menerus bakal diganti sama science yg baru. Alam semesta statik diganti ma yg berosilasi bahkan sekarang.

Setau gw, scientist sejati, dididik bwt ga percaya sama science kaya kita percaya sama agama. Mereka (scientist2 itu) diajarin klo science bisa aja salah. Statement 'semua angsa warnanya putih' ga akan terbukti benar walopun dari awal alam semesta muncul ampe sekarang kita selalu liat angsa warnanya putih.  Sedangkan klo sekali aja kita liat angsa warnanya item, statement-nya langsung salah. Kaya gitu deh statement2 yg ditawarin ma science. Kebenarannya ga mutlak. Mgkn ga bisa dibilang kebenaran jg yah, lebih bagus klo dibilang 'keberlakuan'.

Trus, web itu, bilang (n setengah ngejek klo yg gw tangkep) dengan bangganya ngerasa klo mereka lah yg paling bener, dengan bawa2 science. Hya ampun. Scientist aja ga pernah ngerasa klo mereka yg paling benar.

Mereka bilang yg beragama kebanyakan pikirannya tertutup, n ngerasa diri mereka masih ttp skeptik. Hey tolong, mnrt gw, dngn bilang "100% gw yakin Pencipta ga ada', itu udah bikin mereka kehilangan keskeptikan mereka. Itu sama aja ma doktrin. Soalnya Pencipta itu ada ataw ngga, ga kan bisa dibuktiin, secara science. Mereka harus baca karl popper. Jengkel gw. Pngn nangis baca web-nya. N mereka jadiin agama lain bahan becandaan. Sama aja mereka ky bikin agama baru. Mereka ga skeptik sama sekali.

Skeptik itu, mnrt gw klo misalnya ditanya ttg penciptaan itu jwbnya 'ga tau..'. Orang2 skeptik bakal percaya sama suatu statement, ataw teory, ataw apapun, ky scientist percaya sama science. Selalu ada kemungkinan salah, a.k.a. kebenaran yg ditawarin itu ga mutlak. 

Sekali lg, gw ga permasalahin keyakinan atheis-nya. Yg gw keselin itu sikap2 org2 di web itu. Merasa diri paling benar -itu jelas bukan skeptik. Org skeptik itu ga akan kehilangan sense of wonder. Prof gw, temen2 gw disini, bnyk yg atheis. Tp mereka ga pernah ngerasa diri yg paling bener. Mereka terbuka utk belajar bnyk hal, bahkan ada yg belajar Zen. N yg pasti mereka ga pernah becandain agama n kepercayaan lain. Soalnya mereka tau, semua punya kemungkinan salah, juga punya kemungkinan benar. Orang2 kaya gini yg beneran skeptik. Bukan orang2 yg sok ngerasa skeptik n ngerasa udah open minded tapi ga sadar klo mereka sebenernya udah ngedoktrin diri sendiri. 

Miris rasanya. 1 lg, mereka pake Carl Sagan dooong. Penulis favorit gw. Hiiiks. Carl ga atheist. Dy agnostik. X(

Maaph klo kata2 gw bnyk yg salah ataw nyinggung. Gw keseel. Iyaaa mungkin tulisan gw subjektif, secara gw pemeluk salah 1 agama. Tp gw bener2 berusaha utk ga masukin kesubjektifan gw. Gw salah 1 dari bnyk orng beragama yg berusaha utk ttp skeptik, utk jadi scientist sejati. Gw yakin bisa ko, manusia udah terbiasa hidup dlm kontradiksi. Kita semua pngn tau jawaban yg bener, kan? Yaudah jalanin aja kepercayaan masing2, gausah saling nuduh, ngejadiin kepercayaan lain bahan becandaan, ataw ngerasa paling benar. Atw klo ngerasa paling bener, simpen dlm hati n orang2 terdekat aja sih. Nanti klo udah tiba masanya jg kita bakal dpt jawaban mutlaknya. Semoga.