new year's resolution?

It's 31 december 2013! =D I've been in a holiday since 20th, but I don't go for any vacation (yes I'm staying here. In my room. Alone. -___-) And since I don't know what to do, I just read books, papers, and study. Yes. S T U D Y. Hahah. So impressive. -____- Poor me.

I feel a bit down this month. And stressed. It seems that I've already studied, studied, studied very haaaard but everything *still* very difficult to understand. 

What's wrong? Who to blame? My country? For the 'bad' curriculum in my previous school? I don't think so. It's not their fault, I mean, who need a theoretical physicist when there are still a lot of starving people in a region? I think for now, with its condition, we already have the most suitable curriculum for our country (hey it's just my opinion.).  How can some people study philosophy, pure mathematics, pure sciences, when they see poverty around them? Well, I'm one of these people. How selfish. More worser, I'm using the scholarship from the government. Yes, the money of the people. Sometimes I feel very sorry for myself.  

-_______________-

It's already my second year, but I still haven't understand basic things. A huge of basic things. Seems that I can not catch the standard here. It's sad. And depressing. Why whyy whyyyy I understand things very sloooooooooooowly? Hiks. -__________-

So for this nite, I take a break, I just take a walk on the port to see water (hahah sounds silly!), and when I arrived home I saw my undergrad notebook on the table. I asked my mom to send all my notebook last year (it's expensive! x( ). 

It's always interesting to read an old diary (well, they are notebook, but my notebook is like a diary to me. I write soooo many 'unimportant' things (things which not related to the subject I study), and I usually used sentence like 'susah bangeeeet, pengen nangiiiis' (very difficuuult, wanna cry!), etc. =D

This page makes me happy. =)

It's a list of question. List of question I don't understand and want to know when I studied quantum physics. :D How silly and naive are the question when I read it now, almost 2 year from that moment! Now I've already know the answer, and I wrote all of them in pencils. =D

***

Hahahaa. This page is not related to any serious subject. It's my doodle in the class during course, solid-state physics? I don't remember. =D  This is probably the reason of my lack of basic things! I'm not listening the course! x( Silly me!

I said that oneday, if I already had a lot of knowledge, I want to write a popular science book for all. =) I almost forgot I want to do this. But still I'm not ready to write, I haven't understand basic things.

***

Well this! 

I wrote '..memiliki sifat tersambung-sederhana'. I was studying exact and closed forms, in the most simple way, using only a calculus book! =) I remember I didn't understand the meaning of 'tersambung-sederhana', which is 'simply-connected'. Now I've met them again when I study deRham cohomology (I don't really want to study this, but I need it to understand Chern-Simon. But it's beautiful! If only someone told me the general idea when I start studying calculus in my first undergrad year!)

How much I enjoyed physics in my past! So why now everything is painful? =( I think it's because I've changed. Since I'm here, I start wanting more things.. I want papers, I want publication, I want to go to conferences, and above all, I want to be on the same standard with my labmates here. When I was in my country, I don't really care about these things. That's why I'm forcing myself too much. 

***

So for this holiday, (and for one of my wish in the new year), I want to be a simple-girl like I used to be before. =) I'm trying now. =)

I read somewhere that 'doing hobbies is one way to keep yourself the same'. =) So I did my hobby:

It's the first time I use oil paintiiing! x) Note that oil-painting is just for patient people! =D It's exactly not for me! =D I don't have patience to wait the oil dried to add another colours! =D And it's not finish yet, because I'm waiting it to dry. Very fun trying new things! =)

***

It's already late at nite, have to sleep! (- - ). Sometimes I'm grateful to have blog and twitter. I really need them to make me 'keep talking' when there are no person around me. Heehee. =P 

A reminder:

Nite multiverse, and happy new year! ♥ 

watching stars.

I found this picture somewhere (I've search back this pic on the web pic but can't found it. ) and I like it very much! ! ♥  New year is coming, so it's time to make a wish!

major-minor.

Selamath malaaaam, dirikuuuw! Ntah kenapa tiba2 pngn curhath bebas malam iniiii! Padahal ada targetan 1 bab lg yg harus diberesiiin. Hoaaaahm. Karena gw udah kerja sangath keras 1 minggu ini, ahirnya gw putusin bwt nulis2 bebas malem ini. Sebenernya udah lama gw pngn cerita, tepatnya sih tgl 29 Oktober kmrn. Tepat 1 thn gw jauh dr rumah.

Banyak bgt yg gw dapet selama disini. Fisika, matematika, banyak bgt. Rasanya apa2 yg gw dpt selama 1 thn ini klo dibandingin sama 4 thn pas kuliah S1, msh lebih banyakan yg 1 thn ini. Mgkn krn gw maksain bgt diri gw bwt belajar kali ya. Belum lg masak-memasak! Wiiih kynya pulang2 bisa buka restoran deh gw hahahah. Nasgor kynya udah bisa sambil merem deh masaknya haha. Spagetti jg (tp tetep ga bisa seenak spageti buatan mamah -__-). Bahasa inggris gw kepake ahirnyaa! Prancis? Only if I'm forced to speak french, desolée. :D 

Gw ketemu banyaaak banyaaaaak org dengan sifat yg beda2, n ahirnyaa gw ngerasain gimana rasanya jadi minoritas! Selama 20 thn gw tinggal di Bandung, gw, walopun bukan aseli Sunda, udah jadi salah 1 dr warga mayoritas di Bandung. Semuanya relatif serba gampang n nyaman buat orang2 mayoritas. N kadang2 (kadang2 loh yah..) kenyamanan yg dirasain orang2 mayoritas ini ngebuat mereka 'lupa' klo disekelilingnya ada orang2 minoritas, yg jg punya hak yg sama ky mereka. Ni yg dulu gw rasain, orang2 mayoritas sekitar gw (n gw kadang2), suka ngejudge orang2 minoritas, "Ih mereka kan gini, mereka kan gituu..", padahal kita ga tau apa2 ttg mereka.

Sekarang, sejak gw disini, gw lah si salah 1 orang minoritas itu! Gw, secara gw asian, udah pasti ngebuat orang2 sini ngeliatin gw klo di beus, di metro.. Nah ini ditambah lg gw pake jilbab. Jadi intensitas diliatin orangnya dobel. Hahah. Dulu aseli gw ga tahaaaan bgt rasanya, serba grogi rasanya klo keluar rumah malesin bgt. Skrng udah rada2 terbiasa.. Gw dah bisa melototin orng itu balik malah. Hahha :D

Yg bikin gw rada sedih, itu pandangan orang2 mayoritas disini sama orang2 minoritas. Banyak bgt pandangan mereka yg salah. Owh ternyata gini yah rasanya jadi minoritas! Jangan2 dulu prasangka2 gw sama orang2 minoritas tuh jg sama ky sekarang, banyak yg salahnya. Gw jadi ngerasa, klo misalnya ada 'haters' (apa ya? Orang yg rasis lah, yg ga suka ma suatu kelompok dengan alesan yg ga masuk akal, mgkn krn ngerasa dirinya yg paling bener), terapi paling bagus bwt ngilangin ke-'haters'-an dy itu dengan nyemplungin dy ke suatu daerah dimana dy jadi minoritas! Biar dy tau gimana rasanya jadi minoritas, biar dy tau klo prasangka2 dy ttg orang2 minoritas itu kebanyakan mungkin salah.

Banyak orang2 sekitar gw yg suka ngegeneralisir orang2 ngeliat dr kelompok2nyaa. "Ahh dy turunan ini, pasti orangnya gini gini gini.. Dy agamanya ini, pasti sifatnya gini gini gini deh.." Huff. Orang2 sini jg suka mikir ky gitu ko. Bedanya mereka konfirmasi langsung, ga cm ngomongin di belakang. :D Kadang2 gw suka kaget sama pertanyaan2 mereka. Hahaha kebanyakan pada ga tepat.

Sejak disini, gw jadi lebih percaya manusia itu bisa baik ataw jahat, ga bergantung dy suku apa, agama apa, tinggal di negara mana. Man is the same everywhere. Baik & jahat itu bukan properti cultural. Moga klo ntar gw balik ke tempat dimana gw kembali jadi salah 1 warga mayoritas, gw bisa lebih adil (yeaa.. dlm pikiran n perbuatan, ky kata monsieur Pram di Bumi Manusia) sama org2 minoritas. :). Ayo dong, klo ngerasa diri termasuk homo sapiens sapiensis = wise wise-man = manusia-bijak yg bijak, harus beneran bijak dlm memandang dunia!

singing.

imagine there's no country racist people

geodesics.

I keep wondering.. Why it must be the straight path.. Why not the right path? 

...

..until now:

...

Coincidence? :P


 

pastel experiment.

 ***

Let me confess: the hardest part is to draw the nose! x(

 

 ^^ this is (above!) the original one >> apalah judulnya terserah. hahaha.

pastel, cuma pake putih, ochre, krem, coklat, item, abu2! (yaa pastel gw jg cm 12 warna gitu loh).

canson A4.

parlez anglais spontané!

Hello, myself! It's almost already 1 year since I've been here. :) I will be living here for 1 year at 29 October.. And the day when I went to the lab for the first time is 7th November. So it's almost 1 year..

Still sometimes I feel I'm not supposed to be here. I understand things slowly and all my lack of basic things.. Sometimes things get very complicated and I start thinking that I'm doing nonsense.. Yes, it happens once, or twice (or several times I don't remember. :D) when I cried because I can't understand something.. Well I cried because I had already spent all my energy to understand these things, it already takes about 1 week and I still hadn't see the light. :D So I just cried and teared bunches of paper in my table. Hahah. It was when I was studying about spin representation. :P Yes, it's basic. :D

But I've already learn A LOT. Yes.. I may haven't made any publication or papers, and this make me feel down a bit, but this day in the bus when I went back home from the lab, I make a list of things which I have already studied for this 1 year, and -hopefully! I understand it correctly by heart. :P

• QM! the meaning of 'measurement', mixed n pure state, eigenspaces, degeneracy, commutation relation. I've already learnt it a loooong time ago, but I think it's on this year when I get the sense and accept it by heart. hahahah
• Group, representations, homomorphism, Lie group, Lie algebra. SO(3) n SU(2) (I cried when I try to understand this! Hih!), and a little about SO(3,1) n SL(2,C).
• Fibre bundles! Gauge theory (but still there are much things I'm confused about), connections, coordinates n non-coordinates base, frame, Yang-Mills!, ext-codev (hahaa it's sounds cool. It's an abbreviation of exterior covariant derivative), curvature, holonomies.. It's beautiful. :)
• A bit of QFT.. Path integral, transition amplitude, KG, Dirac, propagator (a bit!, only for graviton I've studied a lot!)
• Discretization of manifold > triangulation, simplicial complex, hinges, deficit angle, Regge curvature..
• 3D LQG! I get sick (literally! I caught a cold and headache!) when I studied this, but now I think I have seen a little shed of light! (Well, now I can see where is the beauty in the theory, so maybe I understand it a little.. Hope so. haha). Thanks to LQG now I understand the angular momentum properly (the topic I always hate and left when I was in undergrad shool.. Now I can calculate the CG coefficient! I'm happy! :) I also know how to calculate the Racah coefficient, and it's generalization, the recoupling coefficient.. And also how to derive it! Owh, and also their connections with intertwiner and 3,6,9,.. j-symbols! Alhamdulillaah.. :)
• 4D LQG (a bit, and still on the way to understand the detail!)
• Owh! I understand now the informational definition of entropy (Yes! Shannon entropy), the derivation why S= p ln p.. :D (using a horse on chess board as an example! :)) the micro, canonic, and grandcanonic ensemble which I had neglected in univ.. A very little story about blackhole thermodynamics (I must study it harder!), coarse graining..
• How to derive gravitational wave exactly! Why it only has 2 modes.. De Donder gauge and its relation with graviton.. Fierz-Pauli action and graviton with mass.. :D >> this! No one told me to study and calculate this. It just because I want to make a progress in my research topic, but it turn out to be ridiculous when I show my calculation to my advisor. Hehe :D
• ..and the one that makes me happiest is (hha is this right the grammar? :D )..  I start to 'see' (no, I haven't understand it yet) the absence of time.. If I understand it correctly.. the physical universe is a 3-dimensional things which evolve.. means, it's moving in the direction of the other variable called 't'.. That's why we always consider the boundary.. Not the bulk.. And I start seeing how the graph construct geometries.. :) It's beautiful cute (I don't like the word 'beautiful') :"> Well, this paid all my tears. Hahah :D
• And also a sentence from my advisor 'everything is a generally-covariant field'. Uwoo. Cool! But still I haven't understand in detail how particle is created from the field.. Still haven't get the feeling.

From the school and conference I attended this summer, I know a little story about the other theories, causal dynamical triangulation, causal set, Penrose cosmology (I forgot the CCC abbreviation..)

Few days ago, there is a visitor came to the lab (well it's actually the advisor of one of my labmates), and he gave a talk about symplectic and pre-symplectic geometry and it's relation with lagrangian etc. I understand a little. And it's also beautiful! :"> Aaaaaaang there are sooo much beautiful things in this world universe! Must study this!  :)

..And don't forget, studying (and 'researching') must be FUN. :)

Hahah asa freak n teu peunting kieu nya curhatan aing. Nyah itung2 latian bahasa inggris biar rada gut englais ntar pas presentasi. Hahaha sakit jiwa emg gw.

Nih hadiah lagu bwt diri gw sendiri, krn udah belajar banyak setaun ini. Ini lagu yg dulu gw hinadina ma si tya, tp skrng jadi demen gw (kuwalaaath!) Rada mirip sama 'with you,  without you'-nya U2. :D

.. Okay I can't put the video from youtube.. only the link: muse-starlite This fr*nch country is sooooo strict, very different with indo. :D

One more thing.. Yes, I realized I'm not a fast learner, I understand things slowly.. But I promise, when I understand something, it will be by heart! :)

Bon courage, me!

n y a m p a h

Hello, meee! :) 

Mw nyampah gw malem ini hahahaa :D.

mmmrauung!

huff! (-_-;)

Mw curhaaaath! Ahir2 ni gw liat web-nya *hadeuuh gw ga bisa bilang nama web-nya*. Pokonya web-nya ttg kumpulan org2 yg ngakunya ateis di negara yg katanya basis pertamanya itu ketuhanan yg maha esa.

Gw ga tau kenapa gw bisa baca web itu, dr twitter klo ga salah.. OK, hak utk percaya sama apaa ajaa itu hak yg paling fundamental bwt manusia kan. Jadi gw ga mw bahas ttg kepercayaan apapun. Yg gw ga setujuin sama web itu, mereka bawa2 science. Mereka bilang science itu membuktikan klo kita ga perlu hal2 yg mereka definisiin sebagai 'agama'. Hadeuuh gereget gw pngn ngepost link-nya disini biar ga dibilang ni cm hoax. X(

Mereka bilang n ngajak2 orang2 utk berpikir skeptis, seakan2 ky nuduh orang2 yg 'beragama' itu pikirannya ga terbuka, n *sesuai kata karl marx klo ga salah, 'agama itu candu masyarakat'. Kesel gw bacanya. Mana di web-nya kayanya yg jadi bulan2an itu hampir 1 agama tertentu aja. Huff. Yg gw keselin, mereka bilang, science mendukung atheisme. 

Apa sih definisi ateis itu? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atheism 100% menolak adanya Pencipta.

Science ngomong apa sih soal penciptaan? Ga ada. Science ga ngomong apa2 soal itu. Setau gw batas science bisa ngejelasin alam semesta itu cuma mulai dr waktu planck, ampe ntah kapan gw ga tau. Sebelum waktu planck? Itu udah bukan bagian science lagi. Skrng terserah kita mw anggep apakah ada sesuatu ataw ngga sebelum waktu planck itu. Klo org ateis mungkin anggep ga ada apa2, >> 'klo kita ga bisa ngamatin skala yg lbh kecil dr Planck scale, lebih baik kita anggep aja skala yg lebih kecil itu ga ada'. Iya boleh bgt. Sesuai sama Occam's razor. Tapi sekali lg, science itu netral. Dy cuma nganterin kita ampe Planck scale, abistu terserah kita mw kemana. Lagian, beneran gitu science yg kita percayain skrng itu 'bener', a.k.a. kebenaran mutlak? Hahaha dulu fisika newton dianggep bener, sekarang digantiin sama GR, n mgkn terus menerus bakal diganti sama science yg baru. Alam semesta statik diganti ma yg berosilasi bahkan sekarang.

Setau gw, scientist sejati, dididik bwt ga percaya sama science kaya kita percaya sama agama. Mereka (scientist2 itu) diajarin klo science bisa aja salah. Statement 'semua angsa warnanya putih' ga akan terbukti benar walopun dari awal alam semesta muncul ampe sekarang kita selalu liat angsa warnanya putih.  Sedangkan klo sekali aja kita liat angsa warnanya item, statement-nya langsung salah. Kaya gitu deh statement2 yg ditawarin ma science. Kebenarannya ga mutlak. Mgkn ga bisa dibilang kebenaran jg yah, lebih bagus klo dibilang 'keberlakuan'.

Trus, web itu, bilang (n setengah ngejek klo yg gw tangkep) dengan bangganya ngerasa klo mereka lah yg paling bener, dengan bawa2 science. Hya ampun. Scientist aja ga pernah ngerasa klo mereka yg paling benar.

Mereka bilang yg beragama kebanyakan pikirannya tertutup, n ngerasa diri mereka masih ttp skeptik. Hey tolong, mnrt gw, dngn bilang "100% gw yakin Pencipta ga ada', itu udah bikin mereka kehilangan keskeptikan mereka. Itu sama aja ma doktrin. Soalnya Pencipta itu ada ataw ngga, ga kan bisa dibuktiin, secara science. Mereka harus baca karl popper. Jengkel gw. Pngn nangis baca web-nya. N mereka jadiin agama lain bahan becandaan. Sama aja mereka ky bikin agama baru. Mereka ga skeptik sama sekali.

Skeptik itu, mnrt gw klo misalnya ditanya ttg penciptaan itu jwbnya 'ga tau..'. Orang2 skeptik bakal percaya sama suatu statement, ataw teory, ataw apapun, ky scientist percaya sama science. Selalu ada kemungkinan salah, a.k.a. kebenaran yg ditawarin itu ga mutlak. 

Sekali lg, gw ga permasalahin keyakinan atheis-nya. Yg gw keselin itu sikap2 org2 di web itu. Merasa diri paling benar -itu jelas bukan skeptik. Org skeptik itu ga akan kehilangan sense of wonder. Prof gw, temen2 gw disini, bnyk yg atheis. Tp mereka ga pernah ngerasa diri yg paling bener. Mereka terbuka utk belajar bnyk hal, bahkan ada yg belajar Zen. N yg pasti mereka ga pernah becandain agama n kepercayaan lain. Soalnya mereka tau, semua punya kemungkinan salah, juga punya kemungkinan benar. Orang2 kaya gini yg beneran skeptik. Bukan orang2 yg sok ngerasa skeptik n ngerasa udah open minded tapi ga sadar klo mereka sebenernya udah ngedoktrin diri sendiri. 

Miris rasanya. 1 lg, mereka pake Carl Sagan dooong. Penulis favorit gw. Hiiiks. Carl ga atheist. Dy agnostik. X(

Maaph klo kata2 gw bnyk yg salah ataw nyinggung. Gw keseel. Iyaaa mungkin tulisan gw subjektif, secara gw pemeluk salah 1 agama. Tp gw bener2 berusaha utk ga masukin kesubjektifan gw. Gw salah 1 dari bnyk orng beragama yg berusaha utk ttp skeptik, utk jadi scientist sejati. Gw yakin bisa ko, manusia udah terbiasa hidup dlm kontradiksi. Kita semua pngn tau jawaban yg bener, kan? Yaudah jalanin aja kepercayaan masing2, gausah saling nuduh, ngejadiin kepercayaan lain bahan becandaan, ataw ngerasa paling benar. Atw klo ngerasa paling bener, simpen dlm hati n orang2 terdekat aja sih. Nanti klo udah tiba masanya jg kita bakal dpt jawaban mutlaknya. Semoga. 

kraukh!

Apple Changes The World.

Hello, me!

Now I must really practice my english, I must try to speak spontaneously without affraid of making wrong and mistake in vocabs, grammar, etc. I don't want to spent 2-3 years here, only saying 'hello-goodbye' everyday to my labmates. -_____-

Well, this is the first time I try to use 'hard pastel' (they said 'pastel durs'). And it's a mess.

Yes, the pink tissue should be a toilet tissue. Hahaha  :D But in my apartment (Apartment? No! Actually it's a cité universitaire, an 'asrama' in Indonesian), I never use tissue for toilet things :D. People here divide tissue into 3 varieties: toilet-tissue, napkin-tissue (for dining and eating-cooking-things), and facial-tissue. I only buy the cheapest one, the toilet-tissue, and I use it for everything. Nyahahaa. :D One day, when I go the campus toilet to wash my face, then I dry it using a toilet tissue, a F****h girl was looking at me and I think she get shocked, like 'What? She use a tissue toilet to rub her face? How medieval." Hahahhaa :D

***

I buy these pastels. It cost 11.9 Euro (I don't find the 'euro' symbol in my keyboard). It's cheap here, but it's expensive if we convert it into rupiahs. -_____- Only 12 colours? Yeaa, because I'm a beginner dummy in using pastels, so I must start by using fewer colour first. Maybe I should buy the 6 or 8 colours, instead of 12. :D

And I choose to draw an apple. Yes, a single-simple apple. :D Because it's easy, we only have to draw a circle and give it a line at one side. :D 

When I start to give colour to the apple, I realized how haaaaaard to use pastels.. If we have covered the paper opaquely with one colour, we can't add another colour upfront of it! (I hope you understand what I mean.. Aawww my english! -____- ... but I'm speaking to myself, so I musn't worry if you understand it or not hahahaa.) And it happens when I try to give red in front of orange and yellow to the apple. No matter how hard I press the red pastel, it doesn't work. So I erase (using pencil eraser!) a little to give a space in the paper for red, then finally, I can use the red one.

***

Okay then, my apple is done. :D Huff.. I look at the white part of the paper and my table, and then.. I scream! My handprints everywhere! X( Totally chaotic! 

***

I use my pencil eraser to erase the mess in the paper, and use -yes- the toilet tissue to clean my table. :D

It's done! Bon appétite! Nyam! x)

 'apple changes the world'

hard-pastels, canson.

watercolour experiment #3

 

'monaco-castle'

A4-canson

watercolour

'bebaskan mimpimu di angkasa!'

Tentang Waktu dan Perubahan.*

*bukan catatan seorang aktivis. :P

Hi, me! :) Udah lama yah gw ga curhat di label-nya belajarbelajarbelajar. :) Bukan berati gw br belajar sekarang yaah hahaa. Skrng gw mw curhat. :) Dengerin yaah.. :)

Sejak 2 minggu lalu gw diceritain pembimbing gw ttg problem yg bikin dy bingung (gw ga bisa ceritain disini),  dan tentu saja gw jg ikutan bingung jadinya. Bingung-nya gw tentu saja beberapakalilipat, krn konsep dasar gw yg seadanya hahah. :D 

Beliau ga minta progress report atw apa2, cuma minta gw '.. try to think about it'. Iyap gw langsung pikirin 2 hari 2 mlm, jerawath mulai muncul tiap kali gw berpikir keras hahaha. :D Daaaan sampai sekarang blm dpt aja pencerahan gw. Hahahhaa.. Tp gapapaa, soalnya itu bkn topik tesis gw.. 

Sepanjang mikirin problem itu, krn makin dipikirin makin pusing, ahirnya gw mulai dr awaaaaaaaal bgt.. Gw mulai mikirin dr awal, yg sblm2nya ga pernah gw pikirin n gw terima aja bulat2. 

Awalnya gw pngn tau, gimana caranya sih manusia ngukur kecepatan? Klo di klasik, cara ngukurnya kan kita bandingin posisi 2 benda, hitung norm lintasan terpendek antara 2 posisi itu, trus dibagi sama perubahan sudut jarum jam kita, sudut pas bendanya di posisi ahir, dikurangi sudut pas bendanya di posisi awal.. Gitu kan cara ngukur kecepatan klo di klasik. 

Nah trus klo di SR, kecepatannya kan ada 2: kecepatan v (yg 3D) sama kecepatan u (4-velocity). Ahirnya gw dpt feeling-nya: klo ngukur kecepatan v itu sama ky di klasik, sesuatu yg diukur bergerak (pindah posisi) diliat dr kerangka acuan kita, terhadap jam di kerangka kita. Jam yg kita pake itu jam di kerangka kita n diem barengan sama kita (i.e., di tangan gw). Sedangkan klo ngukur kecepatan u, itu diukur sama kita juga, kita bandingin posisi awal sama ahir ky di klasik, tapi jam yg kita pake bukan jam kita, tapi jam mereka (i.e., jam sesuatu yg pindah posisi itu). Anggep aja yg pindah posisi itu orang yg bawa jam besar bgt yg diliatin ke kita, jadi kita bisa liat jarum si jam itu gerak.. Nah si ui, bagian spasial dr u, itu perubahan posisi yg kita ukur di dr kerangka kita, dibagi sama perubahan sudut di jam mereka! Komponen 0 si u, a.k.a. u0, itu ngebandingin rasio laju jam kita (perubahan sudutnya) terhadap jam besar mereka yg gerak. Gw baru ngerti itu skrng. Setelah 7 thn kuliah. Hiks.

Trus.. Krn gw lg baca2 papernya si prof yg 'forget time' (pngn nangis gw baca-nya, keren bgt! :'> Karena pngn bljr bnyk ttg itu makanya gw ngotot bgt pngn kesini. :P), yg berusaha promosiin pandangan klo waktu itu sbnrnya ga fisis (? >> semoga gw ga salah tangkep. :P), n bisa ko kita ber-fisika tanpa waktu, ahirnya gw -dngn takut2- mulai mikirin definisi 'pengukuran' di fisika itu apa. Hadeuuh.. Pliiz dong, Ser! Ini kan bab pertama fisika kelas 1 SMP! x( Kemana aja lo selama inii? x( Iyap, emg konsep gw ga bener, n gw terlalu ignorant ma hal2 ky gini sejak dulu. :(

Pengukuran, apa sih pengukuran itu sbnrnya? Gw inget2 pas SMP, pengukuran itu 'membandingkan suatu besaran dengan satuannya'. Simpel yah.. :) Intinya kita punya sesuatu yg akan kita ukur, kita sebut itu besaran. Trus kita punya sesuatu juga, yg 1 jenis (1 himpunan?) sama besaran kita, yg kita jadiin standar bwt ngukur > ni kita sebut satuan. Trus yg namanya 'mengukur' itu kita bandingin si besaran ma standar kita tadi, misal: si batang pohon ini panjangnya (besaran-nya itu 'panjang', bukan pohon) 30x panjang pensil-15cm kita (satuannya itu panjang 15cm). Simpel kan..

Dari sini kita bisa ngukur posisi: ngebandingin panjang sesuatu thdp panjang sesuatu lagii. Trus massa, n hal2 makroskopik konkret yg bisa kita 'liat'. Ampe akhirnya gw pngn ngukur kecepatan. Gimana cara ngukur kecepatan? Ya kembali ke paragraf yg atas, delta posisi per delta waktu.. Ga bisa diukur langsung.. Kita harus ukur perubahan posisi dulu, trus ngukur perubahan waktu. Ngukur waktu? Apa sih waktu itu sebenernya? >> Men! Ini pertanyaan filosofis yg belum terjawab dr jaman dulu ampe sekarang! Menghindar! x( Klo gitu, ganti pertanyaannya, gimana sih cara kita ngukur waktu? Kita ngukur waktu itu dengan membandingkan perubahan dengan perubahan. Analog kaya kita ngukur panjang, yg ngebandingin panjang yg mw kita ukur sama panjang standar kita. Waktu jg gitu.. Ada sesuatu yg berubah yg mw kita ukur, kita bandingin laju sesuatu yg berubah itu dngn laju yg jadi standar kita (misalnya, ngebandingin perubahan posisi matahari dari terbit ampe tenggelam dengan sudut jarum jam kita). 

Jadi, kesimpulannya, bwt ngukur laju perubahan sesuatu, kita butuh waktu, tapi bwt ngukur waktu, kita butuh perubahaan! Bingung kan? Ini mah sama aja kaya nanya mana yg duluan, telur ataw anak ayam? ( >> klo percaya teori evolusi, pertanyaan telur-ayam dah kejawab, salah pertanyaannya, soalnya: dari telur dinosaurus, muncullah anak ayam hahahaa :D) Kan jadi bingung sayah.. -_____- no wonder lah jerawath gw langsung muncul. :P

Trus, ahirnya gw pikiriin pikiriin pikiriiiiiin lg, ditambah pas mkn siyang beberapa hari sblmnya, si prof n anak2 leb cerita ttg hal yg -aneh bgt bwt gw, krn gw ga pernah mikirin sebelumnya. Apa coba? Mereka ngomongin 'kenapa manusia bisa pny konsep ttg waktu?' Trus si prof gw cerita ttg ada pendapat psikolog, yg emg neliti hal ini (meni niat! haha), konsep waktu itu muncul pas manusia itu umur antara 2-4 thn, pas dy mulai kenal urutan peristiwa. Tp msh belum jelas jg sih hasil penelitiannya katanya.. 

Sama yg lbh anehnya lagi pertanyaan 'kenapa manusia bisa png konsep ttg arah?'. Hadeuuuh.. =D Rumit emg hidup ni klo dibikin rumit. :D Tp klo yg ttg arah, mnrt gw (>> mnrt gw ya, blm tentu bener) kayanya kita bisa pake analog gimana caranya ngedefinisiin orientability di manifold. 

Contohnya, klo semua sekeliling kita itu homogen n isotropik, gimana cara-nya kita bisa bedain kanan n kiri? Awalnya gw pikir, kita ga kan bisa bedain kanan-kiri klo ga ada acuan apa2, ampe ahirnya gw inget pas masa2 gw OsJur.. Kita semua ditutup matanya, n tiba2 si danlap teriak 'hadap kanaan grak!'. N gw tau arah kanan, padahal mata gw ditutup! & semua temen2 gw jg tau kanan itu arahnya 'kesitu muternya', walopun posisi kita berantakan beda2 sudut dikit. Apa yg bisa bikin kita tau klo kanan itu 'muter-nya kesitu'? Bingung gw jg.. Ampe skrng gw msh mikirnya krn kita hafal itu di memori otak kita.. Walopun mata kita ditutup, tp kita bisa ngebayangin arah 'depan', jadi, pake acuan 'depan' ini kita bisa tau 'kanan'. Tapii.. seandainya (seandainya loh yah..) manusia bisa ngeliat secara simultan 360 derajat (serem bgt! hiiiiy!) -ga terbatas cm bisa liat maximal 180 derajat plus belok2in mata a.k.a 'ngeliat ke arah depan aja', pasti (pasti ga ya?) klo disuruh tutup mata n disuruh belok kanan dy bakal bingung. :D Jangan klo disuruh tutup mata, disuruh buka mata aja mungkin klo disuruh 'hadap kanan' mereka ga kan bisa klo ga dikasi acuannya. :D Mgkn karena manusia pny memori (dan keterbatasan manusia yg cm bisa liat depan aja) keadaannya jadi ga bisa murni homogen n isotropik. (bener gitu? Sotoy bgt gw hahaha).

Jadi, mngkn yah.. klo kita cuma titik tak berdimensi di manifold, gimana caranya kita pny konsep arah? Setau gw, kita harus definisiin volume form etc, etc.. Klo manifoldnya orientable, baru bisa ada kanan kiri. :) dan utk dimensi lbh tinggi: rotasi clockwise-counterclockwise, right and left hand rule, etc., maybe? Dulu gw pernah bingung, kenapa rotasi arahnya cm 2? ga 3, ataw 4.. Skrng alhamdulillah gw cukup puas dngn nganggep kanan-kiri, clockwise-counter, dst2. itu saling inverse 1 sama lain, jadinya saling berpasangan gitu, n jadinya natural kenapa arahnya cm 2. :)

Hah jadi ngelantur giniii gw. Balik lg ke konsep waktu. Kenapa manusia bisa pny konsep waktu? Karena ada perubahan? Klo gitu diganti pertanyaannya, kenapa manusia bisa pny konsep ttg perubahan? Kenapa manusia bisa mikir satu hal yg 'sama' itu 'berubah'? Kontradiktif kan sebenernya? 'Berubah' itu pasti ga kan sama ma semula, tp kenapa manusia bisa mikir yg berubah itu masih suatu entitas yg sama? :D Ga paham klo yg ini. Gw bukan mahasiswa filsafat men.. Maaph2 aja. 

Trus tiba2, gw ga tau kenapa.. Gw inget pas kecil, gw suka gambar2 orang lari di sudut ujung buku tulis gw pas SD. Tiap halaman gw gambar orang, yg posisi kakinya beda2 tiap halaman. N trus, pas gw buka ujung halamannya dngn cepat, gw kaya ngeliat gambar org lari di sudut halaman buku gw! :) Iyap! Cara orang pertama kali bikin film kartun animasi. :) Dulu gw sempet terkesan bgt sama itu. Dngn ngegabungin gambar2 yg beda n banyak, dibikin urutan, trus dimunculin 1-1 sesuai urutan, kita bisa dapetin film animasi -gambaran sesuatu yg berubah n bergerak! Whoaaa.. x)

Apa sebenernya perubahan itu juga kaya gitu? Ada bnyk elemen dr suatu set, yg punya suatu sequence tertentu, trus 'dimunculin satu-satu'? Naah.. Balik lg ke problem semula.. 'Dimunculin satu-satu' >> berati ada before and after, yg berati kita udah pny konsep waktu duluu. Hahahahhahaa :D. Bener kan? Balik lg jadinya ke permasalahan telur-anak ayam, yg mana yg duluan? Siapa disebabkan siapa, waktu menyebabkan perubahan, atau perubahan menyebabkan waktu? Yg mana yg lebih fundamental, perubahan, ataw waktu? 

Gila memang. :D No wonder kan jerawath gw membabibuta hahaha :D. Nggaa! Ga paham gw sama ni semua. Rasanya pngn jedug2in kepala ke dinding *hahaha lebay. x(  Kynya utk saat ini, lbh bagus kynya klo gw anggep waktu n perubahan itu sesuatu yg 'sama'. (? >> ga paham gw jg).

Dikit lagi, keliatannya rada ga nyambung: Pada suatu hari, pas lg mkn siyang, temen leb gw yg posdok tiba2 nembak masing2 orng yg ada di meja makan (prof gw ga ada disitu) pake pertanyaan "apa menurut km yg bikin QG ga (belum) berhasil? Apa ada yg salah diantara QM n GR?". Dorr! Kaget gw. Masing2 pada jawab.. Hiiiiiiks.. n jawabannya berbobot. :( n pas giliran gw ditanya, gw, krn bingung mw ngomong apa, cm jawab: 'I don't know..' Aaaaaawww such a silly respond! =( coba bayangin, gw ng-apply ke grup ini, trus ditanya apa pendapat km ttg permasalah utama yg sedang kita kerjain n cari jawabannya, n kamu ga tau? Meeeeeeenn! Malu gw. Maluuuu bgt. :(

Skrng gw mw jawab. *balas dendam ceritanya hahaa. :D Salah 1 masalah yg bikin QG blm berhasil, mgkn, krn QM n GR beda bgt didasar-nya, ttg hal yg fundamental. Yg fundamental di QM itu waktu, sedangkan yg fundamental di GR itu perubahan (? >> bener gitu? Sotooy gw hahahahaa.). Dan sesuatu yg beda didasar, bakal susah (ga mungkin?) utk disatuin.. Jadinya, mgkn (mgkn loh) klo qt ubah bikin QM versi baru yg didasarkan sama perubahan, kita bisa gabungin dy sama GR.. Atw kebalikannya, bikin GR versi baru yg didasarkan pada waktu, mgkn bisa digabungin sama QM. :D Bikin QM versi baru tanpa konsep waktu ini yg lg dikerjain prof gw. :) Ada yg mw bikin sebaliknyaa? :P Atw udah ada n gw ga tau? << Nah yg ini gw ga tau bener-ngga-nyaa. Hahahahahahahaa ya ampun kegilaan membabibuta bgt gw. :D

5 jerawath gw muncul pas mikirin ni 2 hari 2 mlm. =D Stress? Pasti. :D Gw ga belajar apa2 mlm ni krn cm pengen curhatin ini disinii. Hahahahaa, meni niath. :D Skrng lega rasanyaa, walopun blm nemu pencerahan sedikitpun. :)

Karena udah mlm, gw harus back to real-life, ngerjain hal yg lebih jelas outputnya. Gw ga mau kali riset gw terbengkalai gara2 mikirin hal2 yg ntah ada ataw ngga jawabannya. :D Mw makan apa ntar gw ke depannya hahaha *sinis amat. Tp menyenangkan, beneran. Soalnya kayanya semua org2 yg mikirin masalah ini, prof gw, n kolega2nya, kynya niatnya cm krn pngn tau, n jadi ky semacam adventure in the mind, meureun? :P Gw pngn ikutaaaan, *walopun ga diundang. :D N krn dah mikirin ini, otomatis keikutan mikir. Semua org jg boleh ikutan, soalnya ini masalah filosofis, yg ga butuh skill spesifik tertentu. Ga perlu jadi bagian dr riset grup tertentu ko. :) Alam semesta n segala isinya itu mengagumkan! :)

Okesipp, cukup sekian dan terimakasih udah mendengarkan kegalauan gw di tengah malam yg dingin ini. :D Tidak semua yg gw tulis itu benar. :D Really? :) 

lagu apa yaaa? :D

(...)

Oh, Tuesday just might go my way,

It can't get worse than yesterday!

Thursdays, Fridays ain't been kind,

But somehow I'll survive.

Hey, man!

I'm alive, I'm takin' each day and night at a time.

Yeah I'm down, but I know I'll get by!

Hey hey hey hey, man, I gotta live my life,

I'm gonna pick up all the pieces and what's left of my pride!

I'm feelin' like a monday, but someday I'll be saturday nite!