Hello, myself! It's almost already 1 year since I've been here. :) I will be living here for 1 year at 29 October.. And the day when I went to the lab for the first time is 7th November. So it's almost 1 year..
Still sometimes I feel I'm not supposed to be here. I understand things slowly and all my lack of basic things.. Sometimes things get very complicated and I start thinking that I'm doing nonsense.. Yes, it happens once, or twice (or several times I don't remember. :D) when I cried because I can't understand something.. Well I cried because I had already spent all my energy to understand these things, it already takes about 1 week and I still hadn't see the light. :D So I just cried and teared bunches of paper in my table. Hahah. It was when I was studying about spin representation. :P Yes, it's basic. :D
But I've already learn A LOT. Yes.. I may haven't made any publication or papers, and this make me feel down a bit, but this day in the bus when I went back home from the lab, I make a list of things which I have already studied for this 1 year, and -hopefully! I understand it correctly by heart. :P
- QM! the meaning of 'measurement', mixed n pure state, eigenspaces, degeneracy, commutation relation. I've already learnt it a loooong time ago, but I think it's on this year when I get the sense and accept it by heart. hahahah
- Group, representations, homomorphism, Lie group, Lie algebra. SO(3) n SU(2) (I cried when I try to understand this! Hih!), and a little about SO(3,1) n SL(2,C).
- Fibre bundles! Gauge theory (but still there are much things I'm confused about), connections, coordinates n non-coordinates base, frame, Yang-Mills!, ext-codev (hahaa it's sounds cool. It's an abbreviation of exterior covariant derivative), curvature, holonomies.. It's beautiful. :)
- A bit of QFT.. Path integral, transition amplitude, KG, Dirac, propagator (a bit!, only for graviton I've studied a lot!)
- Discretization of manifold > triangulation, simplicial complex, hinges, deficit angle, Regge curvature..
- 3D LQG! I get sick (literally! I caught a cold and headache!) when I studied this, but now I think I have seen a little shed of light! (Well, now I can see where is the beauty in the theory, so maybe I understand it a little.. Hope so. haha). Thanks to LQG now I understand the angular momentum properly (the topic I always hate and left when I was in undergrad shool.. Now I can calculate the CG coefficient! I'm happy! :) I also know how to calculate the Racah coefficient, and it's generalization, the recoupling coefficient.. And also how to derive it! Owh, and also their connections with intertwiner and 3,6,9,.. j-symbols! Alhamdulillaah.. :)
- 4D LQG (a bit, and still on the way to understand the detail!)
- Owh! I understand now the informational definition of entropy (Yes! Shannon entropy), the derivation why S= p ln p.. :D (using a horse on chess board as an example! :)) the micro, canonic, and grandcanonic ensemble which I had neglected in univ.. A very little story about blackhole thermodynamics (I must study it harder!), coarse graining..
- How to derive gravitational wave exactly! Why it only has 2 modes.. De Donder gauge and its relation with graviton.. Fierz-Pauli action and graviton with mass.. :D >> this! No one told me to study and calculate this. It just because I want to make a progress in my research topic, but it turn out to be ridiculous when I show my calculation to my advisor. Hehe :D
- ..and the one that makes me happiest is (hha is this right the grammar? :D ).. I start to 'see' (no, I haven't understand it yet) the absence of time.. If I understand it correctly.. the physical universe is a 3-dimensional things which evolve.. means, it's moving in the direction of the other variable called 't'.. That's why we always consider the boundary.. Not the bulk.. And I start seeing how the graph construct geometries.. :) It's
beautiful cute (I don't like the word 'beautiful') :"> Well, this paid all my tears. Hahah :D
- And also a sentence from my advisor 'everything is a generally-covariant field'. Uwoo. Cool! But still I haven't understand in detail how particle is created from the field.. Still haven't get the feeling.
From the school and conference I attended this summer, I know a little story about the other theories, causal dynamical triangulation, causal set, Penrose cosmology (I forgot the CCC abbreviation..)
Few days ago, there is a visitor came to the lab (well it's actually the advisor of one of my labmates), and he gave a talk about symplectic and pre-symplectic geometry and it's relation with lagrangian etc. I understand a little. And it's also beautiful! :"> Aaaaaaang there are sooo much beautiful things in this world universe! Must study this! :)
..And don't forget, studying (and 'researching') must be FUN. :)
Hahah asa freak n teu peunting kieu nya curhatan aing. Nyah itung2 latian bahasa inggris biar rada gut englais ntar pas presentasi. Hahaha sakit jiwa emg gw.
Nih hadiah lagu bwt diri gw sendiri, krn udah belajar banyak setaun ini. Ini lagu yg dulu gw hinadina ma si tya, tp skrng jadi demen gw (kuwalaaath!) Rada mirip sama 'with you, without you'-nya U2. :D
.. Okay I can't put the video from youtube.. only the link:
muse-starlite This fr*nch country is sooooo strict, very different with indo. :D
One more thing.. Yes, I realized I'm not a fast learner, I understand things slowly.. But I promise, when I understand something, it will be by heart! :)
Bon courage, me!
